Listen Up! Active Listening Can Prevent Tragedies

Introduction

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen R. Covey
“One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.” Bryant H. McGill
“Listening is an art that requires attention over talent, spirit over ego, others over self.” Dean Jackson

Many times, I have helped people simply by listening. I wasn't always comfortable sharing my own problems because I felt others often had pre-formed solutions in their heads without truly understanding my situation. I've always been an attentive and responsible student, but one class that profoundly impacted me was our discussion on listening in GST 102. This class changed my perspective and inspired me to study the impact of listening.

I witnessed the power of listening firsthand when I spent a long time listening to a burdened friend speak. I realized that she didn't need advice; she just needed someone to listen and understand. I didn't say much, but she left our conversation feeling revived and energized, and seeing that transformation made me incredibly happy. She said a few weeks later that I was the only one who had listened to her without judgment or swiftness to advise her. I am not saying that you shouldn’t give advice when necessary but is it from a place of understanding?

In a world where everyone wants to be heard, are we really listening? The power of listening goes beyond just hearing words; it involves understanding the emotions and thoughts behind them. Today, we explore the need for true listening.

To understand the meaning of listening, the difference between hearing and listening, the elements of the listening process, the four basic types of listening, barriers to effective listening, and the dangers of not actively listening—essentially all the foundational concepts—be sure to check out the previous blog post.

Statistics and Facts

Suicide is a major public health issue worldwide. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), approximately 703,000 people die by suicide each year, making it one of the leading causes of death globally. This translates to one person every 40 seconds. According to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), in 2021, suicide was among the top 9 leading causes of death for people ages 10-64. Suicide was the second leading cause of death for people ages 10-14 and 20-34. Studies show that a significant number of these deaths could be preventable through better communication and support.

Effective communication can provide emotional support, reducing feelings of isolation and helping individuals feel understood and valued. For example, a study by the Journal of Counseling Psychology found that perceived social support and open communication are strongly linked to lower levels of depression and anxiety.

Story Time: A true not-so-true life story

The Silent Struggle

Sarah felt consistently unheard and misunderstood, both among family and friends and at work. Despite her attempts to share her feelings, she faced interruptions and superficial advice. This lack of genuine understanding deepened her loneliness and led to anxiety and self-doubt.

Seeking solace, Sarah confided in a friend, only to be met with more dismissive responses like, "You just need to stay positive and keep busy.". Feeling increasingly isolated, she withdrew further. Eventually, she sought professional help and found a therapist who truly listened without judgment.

Through therapy, Sarah learned the importance of genuine listening and surrounding herself with supportive individuals. Her journey underscores the significance of active listening in supporting those struggling with their mental health. It also highlights the need to cultivate better listening habits to support those around you who might be suffering in silence.

If this story is a perfect depiction of your struggle right now (you feel like no one is listening with the intent to understand your thoughts and emotions but only the intent to reply or show off their ability to give good advice), please reach out to me via echoesofsilencebyt@gmail.com or reach out to a therapist (seeing a therapist does not mean you are going crazy just look at Sarah). Even if you need to be listened to which I am willing to do, you still need to be a listener and teach people how to do better by sharing this post with them. Some people genuinely don’t know that they aren’t listening. Let’s continue.

Recognizing Poor Listening Habits

Here are some common signs that someone is not truly listening:

1. Interrupting: Frequently cutting off the speaker mid-sentence.

2. Offering Unsolicited Advice: Giving solutions or advice without fully understanding the problem.

3. Making It About Themselves: Turning the conversation towards their own experiences or opinions.

4. Planning Their Response: Thinking about what to say next instead of focusing on the speaker's words.

5. Showing Distracted Body Language: Fidgeting, looking at their phone, or not making eye contact.

6. Not Acknowledging Feelings: Failing to recognize or validate the speaker's emotions.

Self-reflection Questions

1. Do I interrupt the speaker before they finish their thoughts?

2. Am I thinking about my response while the other person is still talking?

3. Do I offer advice without fully understanding the problem?

4. Do I shift the conversation to my own experiences?

5. Am I distracted by my phone or other activities while someone is talking?

6. Do I make eye contact and show engagement through body language?

7. Do I acknowledge and validate the speaker's emotions?

Practical Tips for Practicing Active Listening

1. Maintain Eye Contact: Show that you are focused and engaged by making consistent eye contact. At certain times you can take your gaze away and return it. This comes with wise application because some people are shy and won’t look at you while they are speaking this doesn’t mean you should retaliate and look at your phone or something else. You should still look at them when they are speaking so you can focus on what is being said and the emotions behind the words said.

2. Nod and Use Facial Expressions: Use nonverbal cues like nodding and smiling to demonstrate attentiveness.

3. Avoid Interrupting: Let the speaker finish their thoughts without interjecting. It pays to ask if they are done speaking just to be sure they aren’t just trying to gather their thoughts. Your response this way will be more targeted at helping them from where they are not from where you are.

4. Summarize and Reflect: Paraphrase what the speaker has said to show understanding and clarity.

5. Ask Open-Ended Questions: Encourage further conversation by asking questions that require more than yes/no answers.

6. Avoid Distractions: Put away phones and other distractions to focus fully on the speaker. If you need to urgently use your phone, it is only right that you inform them and get their approval.

7. Provide Verbal Acknowledgments: Use phrases like "I see" or "That makes sense" to show you are following along.

Importance of Empathy in Listening

Empathy is crucial in listening because it allows you to understand and share the feelings of the speaker, fostering a deeper connection. It involves being present and fully engaged with the speaker's emotions and experiences.

How to Cultivate Empathy

1. Put Yourself in Their Shoes: Try to imagine what the speaker is feeling and experiencing.

2. Practice Mindfulness: Be fully present in the moment, focusing on the speaker without judgment.

3. Show Genuine Concern: Demonstrate that you care about the speaker’s well-being through your words and actions.

4. Reflect on Your Own Emotions: Understanding your own feelings can help you relate to others more effectively.

5. Be Patient: Allow the speaker to express themselves fully without rushing or interrupting them.

Charge to Different Generations

Parents and older generations please support your children by improving their listening skills. Instead of immediately offering solutions, you can ask open-ended questions and listen without judgment. This creates a safe space for your children to express themselves.

For the younger generation, practising patience and empathy in conversations is vital. In this fast-paced world, taking the time to truly listen can make a significant difference in someone’s life. By slowing down and empathizing with others, you contribute to a more compassionate society.

Additional Resources and References

British Heart Foundation. (2018, May 14). 10 tips for active listening. British Heart Foundation. Retrieved from https://www.bhf.org.uk/informationsupport/heart-matters-magazine/wellbeing/how-to-talk-about-health-problems/active-listening (Access date: May 28th, 2024)

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2023, May 8). Facts about suicide. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/suicide/facts/index.html (Access date: May 27th, 2024)

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Health Statistics. National Vital Statistics System, Mortality 2018-2021 on CDC WONDER Online Database, released in 2023. Data are from the Multiple Cause of Death Files, 2018-2021, as compiled from data provided by the 57 vital statistics jurisdictions through the Vital Statistics Cooperative Program. Retrieved from http://wonder.cdc.gov/mcd-icd10-expanded.html (Access date: May 27th, 2023).

Hebert, M. (2024, March 27). Empathic Listening: Definition, Examples, and Skills. TopResume. Retrieved from https://www.topresume.com/career-advice/empathic-listening-definition-examples-and-skills#:~:text=Empathic%20listening%20is%20a%20communication (Access date: May 28th, 2024)

Sarkhel, S., Vijayakumar, V., & Vijayakumar, L. (2023). Clinical practice guidelines for management of suicidal behaviour. Indian Journal of Psychiatry, 65(2), 124. https://doi.org/10.4103/indianjpsychiatry.indianjpsychiatry_497_22

World Health Organization. (2019, September 9). Suicide: one person dies every 40 seconds. Www.who.int. Retrieved from https://www.who.int/news/item/09-09-2019-suicide-one-person-dies-every-40-seconds (Access date: May 27th, 2024)

World Health Organization. (2023, August 28). Suicide. World Health Organization. Retrieved from https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/suicide (Access date: May 27th, 2024)

The moment when it seems like no one is listening

Introduction

In today's fast-paced world, it often feels like no one is truly listening. Conversations are frequently interrupted by the ping of notifications, and meaningful interactions are overshadowed by the constant buzz of social media and digital distractions. This lack of genuine listening can lead to misunderstandings, weakened relationships, and a sense of isolation.

Hearing vs. Listening 

It's important to distinguish between hearing and listening. Hearing is the physical act of perceiving sound while listening involves actively engaging with the speaker's message. For instance, when you're at a busy cafeteria, you might hear the background noise of the loud music (if you attend my school and you go to Jubilee cafeteria you should know what I am talking about), but if a friend is sharing something important with you, listening means focusing on their words and the emotions behind them.

Elements of the Listening Process

1. Hearing: The initial stage where sound waves are received by the ear.

2. Understanding: Comprehending the message being conveyed.

3. Remembering: Retaining the information for future reference.

4. Interpreting and Evaluating: Making sense of the message and assessing its significance or value.

5. Responding: Providing feedback or a reaction to the message.

Four Basic Types of Listening

1. Active (Reflective) Listening: Fully engaging with the speaker, showing empathy, and providing feedback. For example, nodding in agreement and paraphrasing what the speaker has said.

2. Passive (Attentive) Listening: Paying attention but without active engagement. For instance, listening to a lecture without engaging (interacting).

3. Competitive (Combative) Listening: Listening to find an opportunity to interject or argue. This often happens in debates or heated discussions.

4. Fraudulent Listening: Pretending to listen while actually thinking about something else. For example, nodding while daydreaming.

Barriers to Effective Listening

Several factors can prevent people from actively listening:

- Distractions: Both internal (thoughts and feelings) and external (noise and interruptions).

- Prejudices: Preconceived notions and biases about the speaker or the topic.

- Emotional Blocks: Strong emotions that interfere with the ability to listen objectively.

- Lack of Interest: Disinterest in the topic or the speaker.

- Information Overload: Being overwhelmed by too much information at once.

The Dangers of Not Actively Listening

Failing to actively listen can lead to serious consequences:

- Misunderstandings: Important details can be missed, leading to confusion.

- Damaged Relationships: People may feel undervalued or ignored.

- Poor Decision-Making: Lack of full understanding can result in poor choices.

- Increased Stress: Miscommunication can create unnecessary stress and conflict.

The Need to Listen for Mental Well-Being

Active listening is essential for mental well-being. It fosters meaningful connections, reduces feelings of loneliness, and enhances empathy. When people feel heard, they experience a sense of validation and support, which is crucial for emotional and mental health. By listening to others, we also gain diverse perspectives and insights, enriching our own understanding and fostering a more inclusive environment.

Strategies for Improving Listening Skills

1. Be Prepared to Listen: Clear your mind of distractions before engaging in a conversation.

2. Be Conscious: Stay present and focused on the speaker. Many of us have a habit of using our phones or doing something else while others are speaking. Since I started my study on active listening in my second year I have had to practice intentionally dropping my phone or books when someone was speaking to me. Be conscious! People know when you are listening and if you aren't they might still continue speaking but it hurts them.

3. Control Noise Sources: Minimize both internal and external distractions.

4. Avoid Prejudices: Approach conversations with an open mind.

5. Listen Actively: Engage with the speaker through feedback and questions.

6. Listen with Empathy: Try to understand the speaker's perspective and emotions.

7. Avoid Unnecessary Interruptions: Let the speaker finish their thoughts before responding.

Conclusion

By adopting these strategies, we can become better listeners, fostering deeper connections and improving our overall mental health. Let's commit to listening more attentively and empathetically, ensuring that everyone feels heard and valued. Be the change you want to see!

Food for Thought 

In today's distraction-filled world, active listening is more crucial than ever. True listening goes beyond hearing words; it's about understanding emotions and offering support.

Reflect on what prevents effective listening in your life. Are distractions or prejudices getting in the way? Recognizing these barriers is the first step to overcoming them.

Consider the types of listening you practice. Aim to be an active listener who engages fully with others. This can significantly improve your relationships and communication.

Remember, attentive listening enhances mental well-being by validating others' experiences and fostering a sense of support and belonging. Apply strategies like controlling distractions and listening with empathy to improve your skills. Your efforts will enrich your relationships and contribute to a more compassionate world.

Reference

Olutayo, G., Banji, T., Idowu-Faith, B., & Ayoola, K. (2022). Use of English Manual for Universities and Colleges (A Student-centred Approach) (2nd ed, pp. 33–42). Department of English. (Original work published 2017).