My Sister's Insight Changed Everything: A Journey to Understanding True Love

Introduction

Recently, my sister shared a piece of wisdom that completely transformed how I relate to a dear friend who has been steadfastly navigating her mental health journey. Her words, simple yet powerful, were: "She is sick, but she is not her sickness." 

I usually adhere to a strict calendar and content list for my writing, but I realized this topic is rarely discussed. Addressing it can offer valuable insights for those navigating friendships with someone facing mental health challenges or simply encourage people to be more mindful about trying to "fix" others. Hence, the departure from my usual schedule.

The Revelation

When my sister said those words, it was as if a lightning bolt struck me. I realized that, despite my best intentions, my approach to supporting my friend was fundamentally flawed. My check-ins, though frequent, were often centered on her struggles rather than on her as an individual. I was so focused on her difficulties that I forgot to see the person behind the pain.

A New Perspective

My friend had often mentioned that I wasn't sharing much about my own life with her. In my mind, I was doing the right thing by prioritizing her needs, thinking, "We need to tackle this; you have to get better." But this mindset was not only mentally draining but also reductive, turning my perception of her into a problem that needed solving. This brings to mind times when I would bring her food without even communicating with her, thinking I was doing her a favor. Looking back, I realize that while gestures like these are valuable, performing them with genuine love and compassion makes all the difference.

It was during a heart-to-heart conversation with my sister—one that felt more like a therapeutic session—that I finally understood. My friend didn't need a fixer; she needed a friend. She needed someone to listen when she spoke, to cry with her when she was sad, to sit in silence when words were too much. Most importantly, she needed someone to share their life with her, to tell her about their day and their successes, knowing she would be genuinely happy despite her own struggles.

A Personal Anecdote

I recall a specific instance when my friend was having an especially tough day. I went to her room and asked the usual questions, like “How are you?” and “Have you eaten?” Sensing that she needed more than just acknowledgment of her academic struggles, I decided to share some insights I had recently learned from a mentor. As I spoke, I noticed her eyes light up with eagerness, a stark contrast to her earlier sluggish responses. It was a revelation to me—she needed a break from her problems and simply wanted to enjoy a normal conversation. Seeing her mood lift so dramatically left me both surprised and delighted.

Don’t misunderstand me—the problems shouldn't be ignored. We still discuss them whenever she's ready like we did the day after that tough day she had. However, it's crucial not to let any condition, mental health-related or otherwise, define how you see a person. Avoid becoming so fixated on fixing them that you forget to express love and compassion through listening, sharing, and believing in their capabilities.

Embracing Change

Once I adopted this new approach, everything changed. I stopped seeing my friend as a project and started appreciating the beautiful person she is. Our friendship deepened, becoming more authentic and fulfilling. Here are some of the crucial lessons I learned through this journey:

1. Don’t Always Try to Fix

Friends battling mental health issues don't need you to fix them; they need your unwavering support, love, and companionship. Being there for them without the pressure of solving their problems can make a world of difference. Sometimes the best support we can offer is our presence and understanding, rather than solutions.

2. Seek Support When Overwhelmed

Supporting someone with mental health challenges can be overwhelming. It’s essential to seek support for yourself as well. Talking to someone about your own feelings and stresses can help you stay strong and present for your friend.

3. Remember, They Are Not Their Sickness

It’s crucial to separate the person from their illness. See your friend for who they truly are, beyond their struggles. This perspective allows you to appreciate their unique qualities and strengths.

4. Be Genuine

Interact with your friend as you normally would. Share your life, laugh together, cry together, and be present. Authentic interactions remind them that they are valued and cherished.

5. Avoid Expressions of Disappointment

Telling someone who is already struggling that you are disappointed in them can be incredibly damaging. Always approach with kindness and understanding, reinforcing their worth and potential.

Statistics and Research

According to the World Health Organization, approximately 1 in 4 people in the world will be affected by mental or neurological disorders at some point in their lives (God forbid is probably your response after reading that research finding but remember that just like you wear thick clothing during the cold to avoid getting a cold, you should also take care of your mental health). This statistic underscores the importance of understanding and supporting those who are battling mental health issues.

Practical Tips for Supporting a Friend

1. Listen Actively: Give your friend your full attention when they talk. Sometimes, they just need to be heard.

2. Share Your Life: Talk about your own experiences, both good and bad. This helps normalize their feelings and shows that you trust them.

3. Be Patient: Healing is a process, and it can take time. Be patient with your friend and with yourself.

4. Encourage Professional Help: Gently encourage them to seek professional help if they haven't already. Offer to help them find resources or go with them to appointments if they need support.

Interactive Element

Reflect on your own relationships. How do you support your friends who may be struggling with mental health issues? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. Your insights could help someone else on their journey.

A Message to Mental Health Warriors

To everyone battling mental health issues, remember this: You are not defined by your illness or struggle. You are unique and valuable just as you are. Your journey is important, and your strength is inspiring. Scripture says that those who have believed in Jesus Christ are overcomers (1 John 5:5), hence keep up the fight till you see the physical manifestation of your spiritual reality. If you haven't believed in Jesus, know this: He loves you and has forgiven all your sins; all you have to do is believe and confess (Romans 10:9). 

Conclusion

This experience has taught me the true essence of friendship. It’s not about fixing or solving, but about being there—genuinely and wholeheartedly. Cheers to all the mental health warriors out there. While there are countless strategies and tips to navigate these challenges, always remember: you are one-of-a-kind, and you are not alone.

This blog post is dedicated to MY FRIEND, and to everyone who stands by their loved ones in their times of need. Your presence and love make all the difference.

Reference

World Health Organization. (2001, September 28). The World Health Report 2001: Mental Disorders affect one in four people. Www.who.int; WHO. https://www.who.int/news/item/28-09-2001-the-world-health-report-2001-mental-disorders-affect-one-in-four-people